Sad days

Noah's Father passed away Thursday August 12, 2010. He was only 31 years old so his life was cut way short. It's a very sad thing.



Noah never had a opprotunity to meet his Dad. Jeff had other things he needed to figure out before he could be a active member in Noah's life. Jeff and I were great, but his daughters Mom had made him choose a relationship with her or me and the baby. It broke my heart from the time I was pregnant with Noah that Jeff never showed any concern for Noah, never asked how he was doing or if he needed anything. That made me feel so sad. I know that he had a lot on his plate, and wanted to get his life together. Now that he's gone, Noah will never have the chance to meet his Dad, and have a realationship with him either. That really kills me inside. A piece of my heart went along with Jeff.

His Obituatary is in the paper today, and it killed me a little more to see that he apparently did not tell his family, Mom Dad and brother, about Noah. So Noah is not acknowledged in his obituary which breaks my heart.

Things were not easy, actually I kinda feel guilty for making it hard, and wanting him to prove he cared and really wanted to be there. I wasn't keeping Noah from him, I just wanted him to show that he cared. I wanted him to be ready to be a active member of Noah's life and not be in and out of it. Unfortunately God had other plans for him, so he never got the chance to change, or show he cared.

He also has a daughter that is a year old, Jayana. She got to have a relationship with Jeff, and seen him often. For that I am thankful for, she has something Noah never will have.

His funeral is Tuesday evening, it will be a very hard time. Even though Jeff and I did not have the best relationship, I have known him since I was a teenager so it still would be hard now it's just harder because of Noah.

I have prayed that Jeff was not in any pain when he passed, and that he wasn't scared also. I sure hope that he didn't feel pain and wasn't scared. I will be sure to tell Noah all about you Jeff, and let him know that you were a great person.

May Jeff rest in peace, I know that you are up there watching over all your family and friends. I also know that you not only will watch over Jayana but also Noah. and my thoughts and prayers are with Jeff's family and Jayana as well.